so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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