my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
