is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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