seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
