I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize