actually, I'm a sock model
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
