what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
