Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
