if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
