Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
