so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
