I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
