is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
