What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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