dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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