Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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