obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
