apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
