all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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