If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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