You smell like stripper and shame
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
