I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
