Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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