He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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