im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
