Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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