Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
