So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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