Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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