i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how does that bad decision feel?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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