i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
