belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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