mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
