does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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