sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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