fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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