I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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