I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
