for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
why is half of my head shaved?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
