They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
