Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
