No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
