I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
