My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
