I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
