Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
