My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
