I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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