mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
