Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
