This girl is more easily done than said...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
