I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
