i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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