I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
