Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
