I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
