i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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