I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
