youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
