You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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