I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
