So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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