Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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