We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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