you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
